Happy Valentine’s Day FHS! In this special edition of Dear Doe, I’ll answer some sweet solicitors… and some surprisingly sour students. Enjoy my frequent use of ellipses in this edition because sometimes I just have no words for you silly geese 🙂
Hey Doe!
As most of us know about the hallway smooches at 8am, a love filled holiday is approaching and I fear it will become worse. How do I handle the surge of upcoming Valentine’s Day PDA, proposals, flowers, etc., in the hallways on top of the already existing epidemic of PDA? Should I just let them be and endure the severe secondhand embarrassment or should I intervene?
– Concerned Cupid
This is such a valid complaint. Honestly, take a page from Cupid’s book and whip out your bow and arrow. Also a reminder that this is not school sanctioned advice… so take my advice outside of school, for all of our sakes!
Dear Doe,
How do I ask someone to be my Valentine?
– Scaredy Cat
Go big or go home dude. There’s nothing to fear! Of course, they might say no in front of the whole school… but at least you’re not in a 2000s romcom for your failure to be broadcasted and replayed!
Hey Doe!
As I take a little stroll to each class, I have to avoid couples having absurd amounts of PDA in the hallways. While it is lovely to see lovebirds falling for each other, it makes me feel a tinge of disgust. Should I run through the halls pantsing people and screaming bloody murder? Or just let this prevailing issue continue?
– The Pessimistic Pantser
Hmm, I think I’ve seen this film before…. So like, why are you disgusted again? All I’m hearing is green with envy. But by all means, take your own advice and go around pantsing these peacocks. Just make sure someone is videoing because I’ve got to see the Hulk ruining the days of lovebirds.
Dear Doe,
I absolutely loathe people who do not know how to walk in the hallways. Like we do not need to be three wide walking down the hallway a minute before I have to get to my class at the end of the hall. It’s always the same group too. What would you do to these people if you were stuck behind them?
– Hallway Hater
You and I are one. We are of the same mind. I say we take the previous person’s advice and scream and pants them. Teamwork! But why stop at these hallway traffic blocks? I say we pants the whole school. Although I could still be thinking too small… let’s pants the entire tri-state area! (Is this an elite reference?)
Dear Doe,
Here at school, I’ve seen more PDAs (Public Displays of Affections) in our hallways than explicit websites. Having to walk down through the common areas in the morning and seeing a couple makeout and/or go to second base is not a sight anyone wants to see in the morning. What do I do if I don’t want to see this? Do I blind myself? Do I intervene? Do I tell a teacher? What do I do?
– Agitated Student
I’m seeing a common theme in these questions… quite suspicious…. However I am in concurrence with you. All four of us can collectively blind ourselves after pantsing the culprits. This is a foolproof plan and I will not be hearing any feedback, thank you.
Thank you to everyone who submitted a response this week! To be featured in the next edition of the Prowler Press, fill out this Google form with your questions for me: https://forms.gle/45jmNujtfms4Ts4e8. Until next time FHS!